viva o cálice
when the fire of commitment sets our minds and souls ablaze.
but though death searched for the third brother for many years, he was never able to find him. it was only when he had attained a great age that the youngest brother finally took off the cloak of invisibility and gave it to his son. and then he greeted death as an old friend, and went with him gladly, and, equals, they departed this life.
but though death searched for the third brother for many years, he was never able to find him. it was only when he had attained a great age that the youngest brother finally took off the cloak of invisibility and gave it to his son. and then he greeted death as an old friend, and went with him gladly, and, equals, they departed this life.
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Friday, July 20, 2012,6:40 PM
let's talk crazy.
As a 21 year old female, I’m never really sure what to say when I see something happen like a mass shooting. I remember so many of them, and I feel like there’s always a new story happening about gun violence and how horrible it is, yet people still defend their right to own a gun and actually use this as an excuse to say we need more guns. But I’m not writing this to attack anyone, to me, this is about a whole other issue in itself. Let’s have a discussion about mental illness, what is blamed, usually on people committing mass murders. My name is Rachel, I’m a 21 year old white female living in the state of Arizona. I’m a third generation Arizonian and my grandmother founded my congregation. I was an honors student in high school, and currently I consider myself trilingual. I’ve always been smart, but desired a connection beyond what has always seemed extremely superficial, and I wondered why my friendships always seemed so shallow, and why I felt so much empathy for others. When I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome my senior year, I doubted it. I felt empathy for almost everyone in my life, almost too much empathy, but after doing some research I realized that some people think people on the Autism spectrum actually feel so much empathy that their brain shuts that part of their brain off. I choose to believe this is the case. Then I went to college and everything went horrible. My life spun out of control and I didn’t know what was happening. I eventually was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 1. You may ask, well what does this have to do with shootings? What does this have to do with my principles? This man killed people. Let us remember our first principle, “The inherent worth and dignity of every person”. Sure, this is hard sometimes, but let me put this in perspective. People who commit these shootings are often determined as “crazy” “mentally ill” “demented” and many other hurtful labels to people who have a mental illness as I do. As someone who goes through the ins and outs of mental illness every day, I understand how scary the onset of mental illness is. Slowly, everything is starting to go wrong, and you know something is wrong and you try to reach out, or don’t, because you don’t know the words to describe what you’re going through because you’ve never truly been educated on mental illness. You’re able to keep up a brave pretense in front of everyone, and people don’t even know what’s going on, but when you’re alone you know you aren’t who you’re portraying, or who you used to be, and something is wrong. So who do you turn to? There’s a bad stigma to therapy, hell by the suggestion of my therapist instead of putting “I have bipolar” on my dating profile I put, “I’m in therapy” and that never hesitates to be the first question people ask about. Plus, therapy costs money, and if you don’t have insurance, a hell of a lot of money. When I think back on that time in my life, I can only imagine what headspace these people are in, and it must, in a way, be scary as hell. And granted it could not be, they could be in a manic space and feeling invincible, it may be an amazing feeling at the time, but it’s still strange as hell. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not giving people who do these things a pass, I’m just saying, let’s look at how desperate or how manic someone must be to get to this point. When you’re manic you feel invincible and quite honestly, believe that you are. When people aren’t educated about mental illness that are actually quite common in today’s world, how are they supposed to know and be able to check themselves and say, “Wait a minute, this is a sign something could be wrong” This is where education comes in. I do not remember in my high school, ever being educated on the symptoms of mental illness. I was never told, except in gossip and the over sensationalized media what it meant for someone to be bipolar, schitzophrenic, depressed, anxious, borderline personality disorder, multiple personality disorder, the list goes on and on. Bipolar and schitzophrenia often manifest AFTER high school, and commonly in college. People who are unaware of what is going on often self medicate with drugs and alcohol. Then for the rest of their life, they’re labeled a drug addict, when in reality, that might have been prevented by them knowing what signs to look for and when to call for help. I knew that something was wrong, but I thought it was just my Aspergers when in reality I was fluxuating between mania and depression quite often. I was bipolar and I had no idea. Why are we not educating the youth about things that may come in the future in regards to their mental health? More importantly, why are our churches not discussing this with them? We focus so much on sex ed and our bodies, why are we not discussing what goes on with our brains? Why did it take me going in patient to finally get the question answered “Do schitzophrenics hear other peoples voices, or their own voice in different tones?” Why? Why is it that society forces the mentally ill into therapy to help make them like the rest of society, and tell us that this is our obligation? How can this be an obligation we’ve fallen through on if we’ve never even been taught what to look for to fulfill this? Why is it that good doctors who actually know what they’re doing cost more money because they don’t take insurance, and weekly copays of $25 are not uncommon when you’re not on government healthcare. And when you are on programs like ACCESS? Magellan doesn’t give you good doctors, beats around the bush and treats you like crap. But it’s our jobs to just know that well, I have to go to be like everyone else? No, everyone gets tired of being treated like that and told that they constantly have to change their life. How would you feel, especially if you’re what’s called “normal” if you had to sit in therapy and be picked apart about how you think and what you do. Most of you don’t, because you’re “normal” but you tell me it’s my obligation to go, yet offer no financial assistance to me to go or a decent free system. We say that these killers are undeserving of life because they’ve taken another and how “sick” or “crazy” these people are. I’m sick of hearing “Well he was obviously mentally ill”, it gives all of us such a stigma and I can’t even count how many times people have thought that I was dangerous or going to switch on them at the drop of a hat. Including a guy who claimed he used to work with the mentally ill, asking me if I would like him one day and not the next, which isn’t bipolar at all. According to society, I’m obligated to go get better, and they were, they were crazy, right? They should have known that and gotten serious psychiatric help! My question to you is, how are they supposed to know that something is wrong or what to do when mental illness is not something anyone discusses. How were they supposed to feel good about themselves getting help when they would just continue to be stigmatized as I am as a crazy person? Why is it that we demand they get help but not provide them with any of the tools to get actual help and to get the actual medication that will work best for them? Yes, we need to have a discussion about gun control, but the politicians refuse to do that. Have we ever forced them to really discuss mental illness? Not as far as I know except to objectify us and give us a label. Let’s start this conversation. We as UU’s have a need to stand on the side of love with people with mental illness and provide open doors to them as they go through life and to have classes teaching the congregation what being mentally ill means. I shouldn’t have to be one of the only people in my congregation who feels like I can be open about my mental illness. Why are we as UU’s not drawing attention to the fact that NO ONE is being educated? Why do we think that we as UU’s are too smart to ever consider suicide when I know for a fact that’s untrue? And most importantly, why are we not having this conversation? beijos, Rachel Labels: bipolar, principle one, the conversation |
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